This one can get really ugly. But it doesn’t have to, and here’s why.
A relationship whether it be working, romantic, platonic, etc… when it’s over, there’s always a period of adjustment and sometimes grief. Most relationships come with friend groups attached, and when that tie is severed, some friends become collateral damage. Sometimes these individuals are those we care about deeply and they just disappear due to the circumstances. It can make the process just that much more excruciating.
How many different friend circles have you traveled with in the past 15 years? Probably a few. If you’re lucky enough to have the same friends you did in high school and college, I’m giving you a virtual pat on the back right now.
My friends are the most incredible humans on the planet.
Not because they came to support me when I was in a band. It’s for so much more than that. We shared some of the best times: aerials, Renaissance Faire, Friendsgiving, baking pies, game nights, or even making memes about the lady who was the warden of the lawn!
Some of the worst times too: the two of you who sat with me in the waiting room of the emergency vet for 3 hours (and brought pizza) when my little baby didn’t have long, I will never forget your kindness – and hope to always be able to reciprocate.
Your true friends will not get caught up in the politics, and if they do – they will find a way to circle back.
You can’t force people to choose sides in a breakup.
I still maintain healthy friendships with the most incredible people and see them regularly. People I knew when I was part of a couple, a band, and/or whatever else I’m not a part of anymore. Life moves on, but your good friends don’t. I’d say the most important thing you can do for the sake of your friends is maintain a positive attitude and not put them in the awkward position of choosing sides.
Collateral Damage – Give People Time
I had one friend who did decide to ghost me, for the sake of loyalty I suppose. At first I was angry and upset. I had always been a good friend and believed they enjoyed my company as much as I enjoyed theirs. I mulled this over for a while, let it eat away at me until I made the realization that it had nothing to do with me at all. Sometimes, people choose a side even when it isn’t the right one.
As a friend you need to respect boundaries, (it could mean keeping a healthy distance from someone who needs space.) You may in life end up having to cut your losses, but at least you know in your heart at the end of the day you did the right thing for yourself and the ones who deserve your love.
Have you had a similar experience? Let me know in the comments below how it worked out for you.